Give Dad Credit

   Behold the bungling father.  Ever noticed how dads have been portrayed in the media? They tend to be cast in the role of loveable goofball, an inept stand in for Mother. Perhaps Madison Avenue executives produce these ads to appeal to mothers who want to believe that they alone are the competent caregivers who must rely on dad only when they can’t be there.

      In fact fathers today are taking an increasingly active role in parenting; and guess what? They usually do not burn dinner or break dishes. But even when they do make mistakes, there is no question that involved fathering promotes a child’s wellbeing from birth through adolescence. And just as with mothering, one learns to parent by doing. And yes, we all learn from our mistakes as well as success.

      A variety of social trends have impacted men’s role in parenting. Ironically the woman’s movement may be one of the most substantial factors that facilitated men’s more active involvement in parenting.  Feminism brought traditional gender roles under the lens for our examination and many of these roles were challenged and dispelled. This scrutiny was liberating for both women and men. 

      Along with women assuming executive positions, men became more comfortable in traditionally female occupations such as nursing and early childhood education. Opportunity and the economy draw the majority of mothers into work outside of the family. Therefore necessity dictates that fathers and mothers assume active roles in parenting after work. Moreover two father families create even more opportunities for men to hone their parenting skills.

      Many are concerned about the impact of maternal employment on child development. Despite this, increased involvement of fathers as active caregivers has had a very positive effect on the development of children and on the emotional fulfillment of men. Few would dispute the importance of fathering for healthy child development. But substantial challenges prevent fathers from contributing all they can to the effort of parenting.

Most of the obstacles to fathering are outside of the home such as demanding work schedules.  However some of the most challenging impediments to fathering may be found in the home. In many families mothers are the gatekeepers when it comes to access to the children. In families of divorce, there remains a strong legal bias toward mothers regarding custody

      However, gate keeping hinders a father’s access to his children even in intact families. A mother who is critical when her husband tries to pitch in or is too rigid in her expectations of the right way to do this and that rather than letting Dad do things his own way sends a message that says “I can do it better; stay away.” In order to grow in his parenting skills a father must have the opportunity to engage in lots of on the job training, especially since boys do not have the same child care experiences that girls have (babysitting, caring for younger siblings).

      So an important message to gatekeepers is this:  children don’t care if their outfit is cute, or if the diaper is too loose, or if their nose is a bit crusty. They care about having their father’s care. Dads are no more or less perfect than mothers when it comes to care giving; however they may have a different style. And children tell us with their giggles and smiles just how important Dad is in their lives.