Parenting Your Anxious Child
Right from birth your infant had the capacity to experience danger and ways of responding (by crying and reaching out). These behaviors are triggered by a primitive region of the brain and are not voluntary; these behaviors are a built-in reflex (the fight or flight response). This reflex is obviously useful in that it promotes the infant’s survival.
As your baby grows and the higher functions of the brain begin to develop (front of the brain stuff like reasoning and self-control), a child is better able to interpret stimuli and judge whether it is a source of danger. For example, when an infant is startled by a very loud noise she will probably cry, while a toddler will do some referencing of adults to see if the sound represents danger or not.
Some anxious behaviors are a signal of healthy emotional development, such as separation anxiety usually observed at around nine months old. Genetics and experience (good old nature and nurture) dictate how anxious a child will become. Anxious parents tend to have anxious children. The fact that there are so many nervous adults may explain why anxiety is the number one mental health problem in children and adolescents. Some youngsters naturally overcome their anxiety as they age, while some go on to develop an anxiety disorder. Why is this?
What causes anxiety? Outside of normal fears and shyness, an anxiety problem is signaled by the intensity and generality of fears. When the worrying begins to bother the child and reduce her enjoyment of things or inhibits her social development, there may be a problem. Thoughts lead to a physiological reaction (increased heart rate, sweat, tightness in chest), and a behavior (usually an avoidance behavior).
Avoidance of the fear-inducing stimuli relieves the individual of the uncomfortable feeling. While this cautiousness is adaptive in some cases (such as a fear of snakes), it is maladaptive in others (avoiding going outdoors because there may be snakes). Overly anxious people may avoid many things that pose a potential exposure to fearful stimuli. For example, a shy child may avoid any social interaction and want to remain only at home. Sometimes children just sort of remain in an anxious state all of the time; their anxiety becomes a habit. This is called generalized anxiety disorder. Other children may develop specific fears – also called phobias. Children with a specific phobia are less likely to have anxious parents than children with general anxiety. Children can learn to cope with their fears without avoiding them, but they need the help of adults to do so.
Anxieties sustained A child’s anxiety is likely to be sustained by a number of things. One is the relief that avoidance provides. This relief through avoidance leads to a pattern of avoidance. A harmless stimulus such as grandmother’s friendly dog is interpreted as a great danger. Avoidance of this stimulus means the child never learns that some dogs are nice and some are dangerous.
Overreaction by parents is another factor that sustains a child’s anxiety. This provides positive reinforcement (attention is the reinforcer) for the fearful response. Moreover, when parents allow their child to avoid all fears, the child never learns to conquer her fears. Remember, anxious parents tend to have anxious children. Part of this is genetic but parental modeling of fearful responses teaches children to do the same. And finally, children in stressful environments will become nervous. Just like adults, a child will respond with nervousness when a tragedy happens such as a death, divorce, or other sorts of loss. Nervousness that is a short term reaction to such stress is not an anxiety disorder. Children in chronically stressful environments may develop anxiety because there is little security in their environment.
Parents of anxious children must look at the source of the child’s anxiety along with the factors that are maintaining it. Then parents should examine the extent of the anxiety and whether the child is troubled by the fears or not. Just like adults, children must be motivated to learn not to be worried. We know that the way a child thinks, the way she copes, and certain qualities of her environment all have an impact on her anxiety.